


The Mighty Boosh Halloween Special of Doom 2015 - Chapter 8

by WorriedEye



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: M/M, halloween special of doom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 01:25:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5072593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorriedEye/pseuds/WorriedEye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WRITTEN FOR THE 2015 MIGHTY BOOSH HALLOWEEN SPECIAL OF DOOM PROJECT WHICH IS HOUSED OVER ON LJ IN THE BOOSH SLASH HAVEN.<br/>Summary: This isn't what I initially planned to write, but you know how sometimes you've an idea but when you start writing it becomes something else entirely.  I'm actually blaming this on all the recent Noel interviews and the mention of Monster Munch in his selfie.  I feel a bit odd today, my emotional response to that last Times interview in particular has left me feeling, I dunno, numb maybe.  It's weird.  I can't seem to find the words to describe how I feel so I wrote this instead.  Therefore I'm really, really sorry that it only develops the plot a little bit and I'm also sorry that I made it quite long.  Please know that it's just because I needed some fluff amidst my angst today.  I dearly hope you can all find something you can enjoy in it too.  Xx<br/>Spolier:  This whole chapter is based on the quote: "I couldn't tell you what life was like before Julian.  He made me.  Out of scraps."<br/>Notes: No character belongs to me as you well know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mighty Boosh Halloween Special of Doom 2015 - Chapter 8

“Arghhhhh!! What’s happening?!”

“What Vince? What is it?”

“My face! My face!”

Vince pushes himself out from under the mirror and darts to a stop a few metres away. He throws his hands up to his face patting it frantically. Howard drops the mirror flat onto it’s back and rushes to join him making Vince quickly bury his head into his palms.

“No! Don’t look.”

“Vince?”

“No, no, you can’t. I’m disgusting. Don’t look at me.”

“Vince, let me see.”

“I’m grotesque Howard, I’m a monster.”

“Please, you gotta let me see.”

Howard gently puts his hands over Vince’s. The skin on skin contact makes him shudder somewhat, but the feeling of distaste is quickly overpowered by a different one, a feeling that shoots upwards through him with the force of the puck in a fairground strongman game. It’s a difficult feeling to put a name to and it’s normally buried so deep within him that he’s never worried about giving it a title. But now? Howard doesn’t know for sure, but he thinks it might be lo..

“Am I really that bad?”

At some point during Howard’s musings Vince has removed his hands from his face. Now his huge blue eyes are peering up into his, azure bottomless lagoons full of fear and something definitely akin to need.

Howard shakes his head.

“Wh..?”

“You’re staring at me like I’m a freak show. Am I that hideous Howard?”

“No of course not. You’re not a freak Vince.”

“But my face.”

Howard cups Vince’s chin and scans both the right and left sides. Other than the bedazzled rags that adorn his hair nothing obvious has changed.

“You’re fine. What on earth did you see in the mirror?”

“Eurggh is was awful. I was all chamois and j-cloth, and not the cool pink j-cloths but soiled ones and ripped ones and some of those home brand ones that don’t soak stuff up properly. I was just like Mister Susan. I was all rags.”

Howard’s heart leaps in his chest. Vince is looking so goddamn vulnerable and it’s near killing him.

He risks rubbing his thumb against Vince’s jaw.

“Nope, there’s no rags. All I see is you.”

“Really?”

Vince’s eyes have grown again and there’s a glow in his cheeks that reminds Howard of strawberries and cream.

“I promise little man. You’re perfect.”

Vince’s lips parting in surprise is Howard’s last straw and his inside barriers crumble like Wensleydale. He leans forward, places his mouth against Vince’s and sucks once on his bottom lip before backing away, his eyes closed.

When he opens them Vince is still staring up at him.

“I...oh shit I...I’m sorry Vince...I dunno...I was...it was just..”

“You kissed me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You kissed me Howard.”

“Yes. Yes I did.”

Around them a light breeze has started to disturb the snow white topsoil. Neither seems to notice.

“Why?”

Howard lets go of Vince’s chin and shuffles awkwardly on the spot, his hands wringing themselves into each other.

“I think, maybe, with all this happening, and you in your pyjamas, and us being so far from home and maybe stuck here forever, and your being in danger from becoming a rag monster, well I think I just thought ‘now or never.’

Vince’s jaw drops open another centimetre. Howard can’t meet his eyes.

The light breeze turns itself up a notch to mild flurry. The white dirt flicks little grains of itself at their feet. Blurring into the edges of the endless blue sky are soft patches of pink and lilac.

“Howard, do you fancy me?”

The white grains are throwing themselves higher and higher as the flurries increase in strength.

Howard squirms. Vince presses.

“Do you though? Do you fancy me?”

The wind gusts. The sky blushes.

“I..erm..[cough]..Vince I...you know it’s..[cough]..a funny thing this err..”

Vince takes a tentative step closer to Howard.

“It’s alright, you can say. All men fancy me. I’m not bothered if you do. I’m just a little surprised by the kiss is all. Didn’t think you had it in you Howard.”

The sky is near coral. White soil is swirling around their knees. Howard puts a hand on Vince’s shoulder as much to steady himself as anything.

“I’m not all men.”

“No, you’re my jazzy best mate. Still I reckon most mates fancy each other a little bit. Reckon it’s what makes it work.”

“I don’t fancy you Vince.”

The soil has reached their hips, circling around and around them like gritty white candyfloss. Wind is whipping at their hair. It’s making the sequins in Vince’s jangle.

“I said it’s okay.”

“No you don’t understand, I don’t fancy you.”

The wind blusters. The sky turns a powdery Turkish Delight.

“I love you Vince.”

“What?”

The air is flat out whirling around them now. The soil is up to their shoulders, encompassing them completely in a cloudlike cyclone, dipping and spiraling like mischievous ivory fireflies of dust.

“I said I love you.”

“When?”

“Uh?”

“When did you leave me?”

“No Vince, love you. I said I love you.”

“What? I can’t hear you, it’s a bit windy Howard.”

“I SAID I LOVE YOU!”

The sky glows bright rose.

 

*

 

Vince opens one eye. He opens the other.

A huge pair of bright blue ones are looking right back at him.

“Ahh!”

He scuttles urgently backwards before realising it’s just his own reflection. He is starting to get really fed-up with mirrors, and that is saying something coming from him.

Looking around his heart sinks. The Mirrorworld again. How the heck has he ended up here? What is the last thing he remembers?

Oh yes, there was wind and dirt and Howard had told him he loved him.

“Howard!”

Vince spins around and spots his friend lying inert in the corner. He crawls across and pushes the big man onto his back.

“Howard are you alright? Howard!”

He shakes his shoulders, gently slaps at his face, tries unsuccessfully to take his pulse.

“Howard, you better not be dead you jerk. I’ll never forgive you if you die on me again.”

Howard remains unresponsive.

“Shit Howard don’t you be doing this. Not now, not after what you said.”

He shakes Howard more forcefully.

“Please you idiot wake up. Wake up! I can’t do this without you. I don’t know where to take the story next.”

Nothing.

Vince starts to feel panicky.

“Please.”

He grabs Howard’s hand.

“I’m crap without you Howard. I don’t work right do I? You might be well dull sometimes but you’re solid too. You’re always there. You can’t just go and leave me alone like this, not with me turning into a fabric nightmare. I need you.”

Vince pushes aside a stray wisp of a curl that’s lying across Howard’s forehead.

“Do you remember the time we first met. You had pickled onion Monster Munch and I had roast beef Monster Munch and you heard me say that I didn’t like my flavour so you offered to swap with me. Bet you think I don’t recall that but I do. You were my BFG, my big friendly giant. I remember thinking your eyes looked like Maltesers.”

He smooths down Howard’s shirt.

“I didn’t know nothing before I met you did I? You taught me how to read and write proper, and how to tell the time. I was really hopeless at that but you never gave up on me. I know I could talk to animals and climb just about anything but you taught me about real stuff didn’t ya. My life before you was a right shambles Howard, but you made me. You put me together from scraps. All I had to do was add the glitter.”

Vince bends across and lays his palm upon Howard’s cheek.

“And now Mister Susan is trying to turn me back into scraps and I don’t want that Howard. I don’t want to be trapped in this world of mirrors without you. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know how to fix it but I do know is that it’s me and you all the way, and that you can’t be dead Howard because I still need to tell you...”

He leans in closer.

“..I still need to tell you that I love you too you big berk.”

Vince places his lips softly against Howard’s.

“Vince?”

Vince pulls away quickly.

“Howard, you’re alive. You’re alive! I thought I’d lost you Howard you twat. I thought you’d left me.”

Howard sits up gingerly.

“Where are we?”

“Mirrorworld.”

Howard’s eyes dart around the room.

“Is it safe Vince?”

“Yeah, it’s just me and you. Are you okay?”

Howard rubs his head.

“Bit of a headache. What happened?”

“Well you told me you loved me which coincided with a mini twister and when we tried to run from it we accidentally stumbled across the face of that old mirror you left lying in the dirt. Not sure what happened next but I guess we fell back through.”

“I didn’t think we could return through it.”

Vince shrugs.

“So if we got through that one then maybe we can get back to the inn. Vince tell me, how did you get here in the first place, to the mirrorworld I mean?”

“Bathroom.”

“The mirror in our bathroom?”

Vince nods.

“Mister Susan destroyed the one above our bed and all the others in the hotel. I couldn’t find one anywhere, and I couldn’t find you or Fossil. Everyone else in the inn seemed to be changing into rags and that cloth cretin had completely disappeared. Anyway I decided to head back to our room to do something about this shamozzle…”, Vince lifts one of the sparkly bits of fabric in his hair, “..and I suddenly thought about our bathroom mirror. It dawned on me that it was the last place I remember you visiting before I fell asleep and the only place I hadn’t checked.”

“You’re right Vince, that was the mirror I came through too, and I bet a thousand euros it’s the one Mister Susan used to enter our world. He’s probably keeping it intact as a backup. In case of emergencies don’t break the glass. Haha, that’s one of mine.”

Vince smiles too.

“That’s quite good actually.”

“Thanks little man.”

“But Howard, the only way Mister Susan can leave the mirror world is if someone replaces him. And you can only replace him if you choose the wrong mirror. At least I think that’s the rules. I can’t remember it all that well, I was a little distracted at the time. Do you know if you stand over there you can see the back of your hair in that one and in that one and…”

“Yes thanks, but that doesn’t really help now does it? Do you recall if he told you anything else when you met him, anything about where he came from and how he got trapped here in the first place?”

Vince shakes his head.

“Sorry Howard. I don’t think he liked me though.”

“What? Everyone likes you.”

“I dunno, I called him Freddy Fabrics. He seemed offended.”

“I doubt he’s coming after you just because of that. No, there’s got to be more to it.”

“Well if he wasn’t offended before he probably is now. I cut him with my seam cutter. Don’t think he liked that too much.”

“Mmm.”

Howard gets to his feet and walks to the nearest mirror.

“Well one of these has to lead back to our bathroom. We just got to work out which one.”

Vince stands too.

“Well it’s not this manky old one is it? This one leads to weird weather land.”

Howard brushes his fingers across the surface of a large oval dressing mirror. It ripples beneath his touch.

“This is impossible, it could be any of them. And if we go through then we might not be able to get back.”

“No, it can only be this one.”

“What? How do you? Oh….”

Vince is pointing to small gold framed mirror on the wall towards the opposite corner. It’s heart shaped.

“This is our mirror Howard.”

“Is it?”

“You know it is.”

Vince turns and smiles before shyly looking away and toward the ground. Howard swallows down the fear in his throat before moving to stand in front of him.

“Vince, I heard what you said when I was one the floor. I heard you say…”

“That I loved you too.”

Vince raises his head. Howard nods.

“Yeah, that. I heard you say that. Is it true?”

“Of course it is. Haven’t you ever realised?”

“Well I dunno, maybe, sometimes, when you not being a complete prat to me.”

Vince’s expression softens.

“Yeah, well you’re a bit of an arse to me too but it don’t mean nothing though does it. It’s only a bit of fun.”

“I guess.”

“And I still love you for it.”

“Really?”

“Yes, so before we risk taking the plunge through another mirror and have to tackle the fabric fiasco can you do me a favour Howard.”

“Sure little man, what d’ya need?”

“Can you kiss me again.”

Howard steps in and takes Vince’s face between his huge palms. They stare into each other for a second or two before Howard bends down and towards. Vince closes his eyes and waits, lips slightly pursed and heart hammering in his chest.

“Oh no!”

Vince’s eyes snap open. Howard is staring over his shoulder, shock plastered right across his face

“What Howard?”

“No! No! No!”

“Howard?”

Vince spins to see what’s got Howard so transfixed.

“Oh christy no!”

Horrifically yet comically distorted, like a child’s face pressed against the window of a sweet shop, Bob Fossil’s face is squished flat against the inside glass of the largest mirror in the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.


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